happy Holiday!!! Hope you're enjoying your holiday right now!!! =)

Anyway today's post is about Flashback!!! ' De 'Javu.. ' Well, going through my stuff in my room really are dusty!!! LOL...Flipping through all my cert. and report card really open my eyes... My mum actually kept every single report card ever since I started entering school with uniform! =) I even have my kindergarden's report card.. Where i see all A's!!! =P ' picture of me in black and white also... '

Well, going through my high school stuff, I actually have alot of flashback.. Ever since the day I step into college, high school are like history with the thinking of just moving forward and no matter how hard u try to go back, u just can't!! Seriously... OH MY... so this is the feeling of growing up..

I seriously can't believe, the days in High school had passed.. Now I'm in my last year of college... where next year, I'm going to university! OMG.. I still remember there's once where my mummy draw a chart for me and tell me how I'm going to pass all my years and ended up in Uni... If i'm not mistaken I was only Primary 2 at that time.. And seriously, I dont even bother to understand the chart.. And my thinking was, ' It's still a long way to go..'

Seems like in reality, time fly really fast..

Basically today's moto is about enjoy your time right now...

Don't regret on the things u do if you think u're doing the right thing...

Enjoy to the fullest@!!!

Well, probably this is the last post you're gonna see me post... Times that I worried much came to an end today... This blog gonna be deactivated soon, really soon!! How stupid am I to think there's a long term life partner when I'm just coming 19th.. People won't last right? I have no idea..

Probably this is the reality and real world where fantasy are destroyed and never exist.. Finally, today I've found out that this world is cruel! People only think for themselves including the love one! People can even get divorce what about being in a relationship? People can call off whenever they like.. People have no real agreement with you, even you're married, u have an agreement of seperation...

Maybe seriously, I'm too young for relationship and learning and knowing about love.. Maybe it's my time to move on and not take love for granted.. For once, I tot I'm one of the luckiest girl in the world.. with great life and parents including a guy who love him like hell but now, I guess I lost everything and very soon, I'm losing everything what I'm having right now..

Guess no one actually reading my blog anymore.. with or without it, who cares?? No ONE!!!~

=> what can possibly happen to me? Someone gonna go for the person I envy most... guess I'm just a useless trash now~~

What I didnt realise is that this day would come.. But what to do..........................................

I should have listen to my brain instead of my heart.. People out there with love life.. Remember have something that can defense u in the future.. U might not need it now or you think it's nonsencse to think of this, but u seriously might need to think about a way to defend yourself.. U need it one day!!

releasing it now is better than releasing it later....

Once time come, no matter what you do, You have to let go.....................

Guess it's the end of this blog...

* Sorry.. I don't even know what I'm typing! *

Wow... today's topic is about Real world and time flies!!

I just can't believe through my eyes and the reality I am right now!! i can't believe I'm 18th right now and coming to 19th this year!! Next year, my age gonna start with the number '2'... Being 16th was the best cause in some way, you're teenage.. where you reach your puberty and start having boyfriend/ girlfriend in your mind.. Someone that you would love and start to be curious about having a relationship and looking into disagreement with your parents and being stubborn on things that disagreed by your parent..

When you reached 17th.. you're looking forward to be 18th... counting down the days to be 18th where you're really looking forward to be legal for life.. Legal for everything, marriage, drugs, alcohol and so on.... You'll be given choice by your own mind to choose the path you're gonna live through.. whether you made the correct or wrong steps in your life time...

Once you step into 18th... You'll be really happy.. there's 2 choice... it's either you're happy on that day or u feel like nothing on that day...but of course you'll feel this way!!!

- I'm gonna get my driving license first... I'm gonna party all way without cared by parents

- I can stay way up late...

and so on... But.....the thing u didnt realise is that, when you're legal.. there's so much responsibility you're gonna fast... You will have big issue coming your way.... * only step is to get your head into the game.. the more problem you face... PLEASE DO NOT FREAK OUT!!! This is life... you're gonna conquere one at a time... step by step is the best!! So yup yup welcome to 18th life... so much right??

This year I'm turning 19th... OH GOD!! so old!! gosh... although I'm looking forward for being 21 when everything is under my control... this doesnt seem nice.. too much in too lil' time.. I'm starting and were advice to start planning my own future.. and planning my own future is really difficult cause I have to stick with it..if you plan the wrong future... ur whole life gonna be screwed cause, by the time u notice u dont like it, it takes time to change and time is moving forward without waiting for anyone.. so it's ur call....ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =)

It's been a long long while since I post something interesting and happy! YES>.<>

Have you ever consider, the love one of yours just pass through you and didnt even notice that you're just few millimetres away from him? Well, I basically felt like a piece of glass and no one can see me!! I've got shits from school and trying to be ok! I've got shit from relationship, I've to act like I'm ok in school! It's so difficult being a human in this world.. I don't want my emotions to interfere my school life and love life... why is it so difficult to act in front of people!!

I don't want to act sad in front of my family so they will not be worry.. I also cannot act weak in front of my friends.. especially those bitches, they will laugh their ass off! No matter what I've come across I need to act to be 2 faces people! Is it that difficult to be yourself for once? Is it so difficult to be the person who u want to be? Be free? be stupid? be smart? be selfish? and be loved?

Schoolmates consider me as the happiest person ever.. Everyday going back to college with the same route and same routine every morning.. I have to put great smile on my face.. A big one no matter what happen to my day! I have to act in front of them.. Feeling wanna find counselor, but the record will be recorded into my files, it might shown to parents or maybe spread around the school even the teachers said that it's confidential.. Trust me, I've heard some news already! There's seriously no one that you can really relay on! Even parents! You tell them, they start to get worry or maybe overeacted and wanna help you to solve ur problems by searching for the person! In this way, everyone will obviously know!

Who to relay on?? The love of my life? Well, I don't think so.. He can be the best keeper and listener... but can he be there for me forever? With my attitude and all the things I've done, I don't think he'll even glance at me... I've just got one.. ( few mins ago..) People like me, who to turn too? when you have no friends? A friend is all around you, but the ones there's actually there for you are none currently... =( * not basically no one, but everyone's busy * who would want a call from you and come crying to you when you have a great day? isn't that destroying your mood?

Sometimes, I really do envy people who have brothers or sisters or my parents where everytime, one of my parents have problems, there are there for each other.. But who is here for me? I really wish I can grow up right now or maybe leave here.... Sometimes being alone is the best, but too alone is the worst..

I have too much in my mind right now! Who can I trust? No one.. some husband and wife also betray each other or maybe ended up divorce or something... Who the hell in the world can you trust again? WHO? GOd? I really hope so!! I really wish I can communicate with my god right now to tell him everything! At least he'll keep everything and really know what's going on with my life! How? WHo?

I really need someone to talk to right now! whoever out there who know my phone number, if you're willing to call me at least u can cheer me up, Don't worry phone is 24/7 on! only valid till midnight- 23.01.2011... HAHAHA Nah just joking but honestly, I really need someone to put a smile on my face!

lastly: Mummy wanna surprised me something! I basically used my butt to think and find out the truth! But I was actually suppose to be happy, but to me right now, it's useless and probably just a memory and I wish it will never happen and never have known! it's just a wonderful memory that I will be really sad and leave a huge scar on my chest...

After all this while, I've been through alot.. Basically most of them are either sad, happy, hurt, pain or maybe calm...

Today and finally I've got new air-con that fixed by my dad.. well not really a new one but it's new to my room! I can't believe after my blog has been so dead since months ago and when I actually activate by putting in some post, most of my friends still do read!! WOW that's so sweet of you guys! well, this blog is gonna be on till the day I seriously break up with him, ie, I'm not sure maybe soon from now or maybe tomorrow? maybe next months or years or maybe NEVER..

To be honest, I would like this blog to last forever.. I've started this blog when I last broke up with my ex-boyfriend.. and basically daily posts are with my current boyfriend.. but if we do have chances to break up, I guess, this blog will not exist anymore.. OR maybe it will be here but just not activate.. What? It's a really nice memorable memories to keep it right? + it will not hurt anyone right? * well i think it would..... ME *

Okie readers!!! here's all the thing I wanna say:-

Remember the post before this? The things I mentioned I have to get it done? Well, basically some of it has been crossed out! What I've realize is that no matter what circumstances you are in, happy or sad or afraid, you still have to passed through.. No matter what decisions you have made you still do need to face the consequences.. It's either sooner or later... And the choices you made is what you will get.. The paths that you choose in life to overcome all your obstacles varies.. You wouldn't expect things to be as wonderful as you wish.. It's not up to anyone to judge but you! it's like, You created your own mess, you clean it up! Just remember : ' Everything Happens For A Reason ' <-- the movie: Devil 2010.. ( cheap movie but it's true about everything happens for a reason )

I've successfully aces all the tests and exams I've been through before.. Honestly, It was tough but I've successfully done it!! Well, here's come the consequences... Have you heard about competition between students, friends and others? Well, it's not great right? it's nice in some way but in some way it sucks! trust me.. I've experiences most of the time..

Have you ever experiences that friends that are using you only? I bet you do without a doubt.. If you don't, dont worry you'll face it one day!! Just wait... but becareful, if you have no experiences, if you don't know, you'll hurt like shit.. but once you've experiences before, it's either you get hurt again and again and again or you've learn from your mistake and never repeat it again....as you experiences it before...

Guess which one am I? Yes the stupid one.. experiences it before and still that naive to believe that people change and never will betray and used me again and the end, I get hurt badly while he/she is laughing her ass off.. Well, this is basically the consequences when you're the odd one and don't feel like joining the so called " The society of Fucking the odd one " .. This is the things that I seriously can't get my head out of.. He/ She can be so nice to you when you're facing alot of problem , ie, she can steep on you and you will never say ouch... ( She's the boss ).. But once you've learn to be strong and finally take her place.. hell no.... the leader of the society make sure everyone's against you! Meaning, they followers are actually blind- flooded but the evil side of the leader.. only very rare people would have seen this! i basically can see this, when she did that once.. but I still do believe that she'd changed.. but at the end.. FUCK NO.. She's the same...(maybe or maybe 90% this applied into my love relationship too meaning I'm like the leader.. )

I have no idea why, this thing happen but it just happen! What can I do? Is it being too smart affected them? Is it being too stupid, affected only yourself but they're laughing behind you while showing the care face in front of you? Hey, My family are not as rich as yours..I've to depend on the government's scholarship to fight for my future, but you don't! Even you don't manage to get scholarship, your rich parents would send you out no matter what... What about me? I'm not smart ass that would definitely got scholarship! I have to work my ass off to make it come true!! What the hell is wrong with your mind? Can't you get I can't depend on parents but government? I'm not rich ok?!?!? so FUCK YOU!!

Oh ya.. one more case that I encounter this shit.. Well, I've found this girl who actually or maybe have feeling with this guys! While this guy is my friends and basically he only talks to people that he know! This lady is really an awesome attention seeker! Every single time, when He talks, this is the place where everyone around her she has to stop them! And she will acted really hardworking and making sure that that guy actually notice her!! If the guy wasn't paying much attention at her, she basically seek for his attention.. Either, she act like we did everything wrong and she'll be shouting at us and of course everyone, including HIM.. will look at us! Whenever I talk to him, She'll be paying attention of what I'm talking about!! I mean, if you like him, why not you suck up your balls and tell him may I get to know you more or can we be friends? I mean, what's with all of this!! She's indeed pretty but every single time, she's acted like she's the boss... She's the prettiest and she's the smartest.. Every single time, when my friend and I talk about a topic, she will never stop annoyed us and cut our conversation!! WOW.. In front of everyone every single time, she will mention herself pretty and others wont! ie, ME~ She'll always face towards me and show off her awesome language that no one understands but me and her.. * Isn't it obvious! *

I may be blamming all this way and some probably known her would read this, then I'll say... I'll keep my fingers cross and hope she will never got this news! Anyway.. this is so far, ladies that I could consider putting them in my SHIT LIST and start calling them a BITCH!! Ohh don't worry people out there.. you'll only be in my shit list when you're actually cross my limit and step on my tail!!

Oh ya, one more thing.. to be honest with you guys.. I get jealous really quickly and easy~ =P especially to my love ones.. Guess what, people that's so close to be tend to be ignoring me but getting really close to my friend! He/ She can basically dress up really nice just to see her but whenever he/ she come and visit me.. That's the best I could get! Yes, and so what I'm jealous over my friend! As I've expected... he didn't wear that awesome.. =) Wow.. i guess that's my value!! to whom it may concern.. I know you're reading this and yes people!!! The blog is going to shut down.. and I guess, you would understand all the meaning of this! I just hope he'll find true love and I have pictures in my mind, he'll ended up with her no matter what! And what I can say now is, I can't do much to my love life but I can do alot to my study life!!

' Dear all the god and especially my god...

I really do wish everything that I'm facing right now will be over soon.. Let me able to take it in and suck it all up and to let go of everything! I seriously do suffer alot right now! Days after days I've conquer all my fear and trying my best to past all the obstaacles I have.. But it just couldn't happen! I just can't find the right moment!! I hope the year after chinese new year, ie chinese calender, a brand new year would bring luck and happiness to me! let me able to conquer all the obstacles I've facing right now!~ I'll do my best no matter what but whatever problems I have please guide me with your warmth and safe hand and tell me everything is going to be alright! I'll choose my path wisely and will never give up! Just give me hints and let all the bad things go off and good things come! Thankyou god~! =) '

--> to everyone in this blog post that I mention please... I'm so sorry to say you til like this but it's too much and you've done too much too.. sorry .. you would hate me forever I don't care.. but at least all the stress and everything is out!! too much on the inside will cause overflow!

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